Adventures

I mostly wrote this blog for Eric. He wanted to document our adventures together. I like to write. 

Sometimes it's hard to find the adventures in everyday life.

I've spent most of our summer so far working over 60 hours a week, between one full-time job and one part-time job, Eric has become mr. mom. well, I guess he would be mr. mom if we actually had a dog...

It's been hard for me to allow him to take over my TO-DO lists, which I love making, just for the satisfaction of crossing things off. There is no satisfaction in delegation.

Needless to say, life's a lot easier when you have a side-kick, and Eric is the best partner. I wouldn't want to embarrass him too much to reveal that he really is the best house-hubby, anything from cooking to cleaning, errands to internet research of health insurance, he's a champ. 

People say, there are a lot of things you can't do when you get married. In reality, I did give up a lot for this cohabitational relationship. My plans after graduation started with getting as far away from Provo, UT as possible. That degree was going to make me completely free; I could go wherever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and be whatever I wanted.  I completely understand where people are coming from when they point out that I can't take whatever opportunity comes my way.

I chose to marry Eric anyways. and what I didn't quite understand at the time, that this relationship was actually going to liberate me. I've found that I am capable of so much more with Eric by my side. Or even not by my side, but in the kitchen cooking dinner. Do you think I could work 17 hour days, 30 minute change-of-uniform breaks without that? no.

I can accomplish SO much more with him beside me, behind me, infront, whatever, as long as he's close. Together, our capabilities and our strength are exponentially greater than individually. so are our expenses. 

This is our adventure, 

and right now, it might seem a little hectic

it might lack a little variety when work blends with work, and frazzled breaks inbetween.

The adventure usually begins about 5:35 in the morning. the first alarm. Eric rolls out of bed himself, and without me noticing gets ready for work and running simultaneously. He gently shakes me awake, and my eyes are usually, usually open by the time I make it down to the car and start it. I drive him to work, then go home and get ready myself.

Lunch breaks turn into errand runs and bank appointments, and Tupperware meals en-route.

Eric drives me to my second job and waits up until midnight, just so I don't have to park on the street and walk in alone in the middle of the night. We kneel down and barely have the energy to ask Heavenly Father to give us the strength to do it all over again the next day. 

Weekends have become bliss, cut to one day a week without any employment or obligations, that's when we fit in the rest of our life, tag-team grocery shopping, house projects, friends? sometimes. dishes.

Sunday morning it starts all over again. 

But this is the beginning of OUR adventure. and sometimes I have to remind myself, this IS an adventure. 

"When You Know, You Know"

I admit it. I used to judge people. I used to judge the overly stereotypical BYU couples that made irrational decisions of eternity in less than a week. I scoffed at crazy proposals on the first weekend of dating, three months and they were talking about kids, people who barely knew each other claiming they found their "soulmate". I was harsh. And in response these people would always say, "when you know, you know" and I thought that was even crazier.
But it's true, when you know, you know. and there is not a better way of explaining it, you'll just know when you get there.

Six months ago, my life was very, very different. I was disinterested in the world around me. I was just getting through my last year of school so that I could move on to bigger and seemingly better things, whatever and wherever they may be. I had a long distance potential that, to me, was worth all the effort. I had a slew of bad first and blind dates, and I wasn't interested in any other possibility. Little did I know, this story started long before that. That's always important to remember.

It was summer, and I was looking for housing for the following year.  I had agreed to live with an old friend returning from her mission, and I switched from looking for private rooms to shared rooms.  When I found Foxwood, I was on the verge of desperation, I NEEDED a place to live. When I walked into the apartment for the first time, I got that feeling, you know, this is right.  I was overly anxious about this new situation, I needed to be there. So I talked my roommate into it, and I moved in the Fall.  Quickly, things were less than ideal.  My semester was busy and stressful, and nothing seemed to be working out. I had really felt like I was suppose to move to this apartment, and usually when I have that feeling, it becomes clear fairly quickly. I came home everyday, and prayed, "why am I here? and why am I unhappy?"

I kept having doubts about being there, and whenever I did, I was just as uncertain of making a change. There was something about the ward. Without really feeling like I fit in, I still felt like there was a lot of potential.  It was a small, calm, urge to give it more time.  I was reckless and desperate for change and so I sold my contract for the Winter semester, but everything I expect to happen, didn't.

That's when I met Eric.  He was a friendly face from the ward, one that always greeted me with a smile, but never went further to make a real connection. After a few months of "hey! how's it going?" and maybe a few casual conversations, he smoothly got my number at a ward function and casually invited me to celebrate Taco Tuesday with some kids.  Finally, I thought I was making more friends in the ward.  It was three weeks later, and he still hadn't texted me. Whatever.

We began a weekly run-in at church, "hey we never got tacos this week! next one!" and the next one was always the same as the last. I called him out on it one day, "you always say that!" and he promised we'd make it happen the next week. I told him it was too late, I was going to Arizona, and I'd have to just get tacos without him. He responded with an echo, "wait, I'M going to Arizona, why are YOU going to Arizona?", "why are YOU going to Arizona?!", "I'm from Arizona" he explained.
and then offered a solution, "We can get tacos in Arizona!" Yeah, sure buddy, I've heard that one before.

It seemed like an interesting prospect, but I had little faith in it's reality. People surprise us sometimes, and Eric has certainly done that. He still surprises me, everyday.
He started texting me that weekend, and we DID make a plan for tacos. He texted me the night before, "hey, what's your address, I'll come pick you up". Is this a date?
We go out to lunch and he seems nervous picking me up, sitting at the restaurant, and then pays for my food; he invites me to do something again the next day.
I still couldn't figure out if that was suppose to be a date, it had all the appropriate requirements of an adequately awkward first date.
Second date was dinner and me crashing a Super Smash Brothers "boys night". I have rarely felt so out of place.

To this day, he claims those weren't really dates, but something was definitely started.
By the end of the long weekend, he told me he liked me, and wanted to get to know me more. I thought, who in the world is this kid??

He seemed nice. I believe the most common first impression of him from all my friends was, "he's so...kind".  It wasn't hard to tell that he was, kind, genuine, and respectful. But he was quiet, practically impossible to talk to. I couldn't tell if he really did like me, and he was nervous and just didn't know what to say, or if he was awkward and shy. I was unsure if he was going to come out of the shell. Little to say the least, we didn't exactly hit it off.  I was left after those first few dates pretty unsure if I was interested. He was really nice to me though, and I figured I didn't have a good reason not to say yes to another date, just to try to get to know him more.

I came back to Provo, almost indifferent to the situation, but with the plans for another date that following Friday.  He began texting me on a regular basis, and I was playing it cool and unresponsive, distracted by the beginning of finals.
I was at work one day, chatting with my coworkers excitedly at the beginning of staff meeting, trying to catch up on where I was on my projects that I had left the week before, my mind busy with the hectic-ness of the situation and the end of the semester.  I say this, only to emphasize that it was out of the clear blue that I had the impression, "you need to get to know Eric".
What? and just like that, I no longer felt indifferent about it.  I wanted to know him, I wanted to be with him and talk to him and find out who he was.

Later I told people, when they asked how it happened, "basically God said, you two need to date each other, and so we did" with a quick caveat, quick before you move out.  The night I decided to be honest, Eric admitted to a not-so-surprisingly similar situation.

We started spending more time together, going out on dates regularly, eating dinner, studying for finals. He let me embarrassingly cry on his shoulder about the stress of still being "homeless" for the next semester. We drew up contracts for couch-rentals, 5 dollars a day, and decided we were not really dating, but instead just dating. Everything moved at a comfortable pace, it was slow, steady, ever deepening.
I ended up in Arizona again for Christmas break (surprise?) and without the stress of school and finals and again, homelessness, we really got to know each other. We began to open our hearts, share secrets and stories, and sing to the radio in the car.  Every night, I got on my knees and I asked my Heavenly Father about the situation.  I prayed to know what was right and how to act. There was never a beam of light, never a powerful lighting bolt of revelation. Instead, every night I received an ever so slight, ever so calm, ever so quiet push forward. An assurance to keep progressing, to not be afraid to make the next step. He said, "this is good, keep going", give your whole heart without reservation, be honest, vulnerable, act in faith. Without ever being entirely sure of my feelings before I acted, I moved forward, and our relationship blossomed.  That's a cheesy analogy, but an accurate description.

Typically relationships start at the top, start off with a bang, and decline.  You meet someone and immediately you "hit it off", start talking and just can't stop, crave their company instantaneously for no apparent reason. There's a spark, a connection, the ignition of something surreal.  Then, as you really get to know each other, you start to un-click in all the important places, or you never really did click at all.  It wasn't like that with Eric. Remember how awkward we were in the beginning?
Instead, it happened the other way, our relationship grew. Every day was better than the last, the excitement escalated with each date, and suddenly, we were wildly in love. I looked back, and I had no idea how it could have happened like that, certainly it had never happened that way before, but it did. All details and enlightening moments aside, I was guided and directed in every step of the relationship.

I certainly didn't know Eric well enough in those few weeks to know that I was really in love with him, that I could trust him, and that he was such an amazing person. But God did, God knew him well enough to tell me that He was the best person for me, and to give me the calm assurance that I could trust him, that I could continue to move forward, deepen this relationship and watch my love grow. I am so glad I listen.

So, now I get it, when you know, you just know. There is no explaining it, other than divine intervention or divine inspiration. True happiness is recognizing the hand of the Lord in the very details of your life; and His fingerprints are all over this one.

We like to say that we fell in love over tacos, shared guilty pleasures of trashy pop music and the Arizona big-sky sunshine.  But really, we fell in love because we are suppose to be together. Ultimately, we fell in love because chose each other, and that made all the difference.